MISCHA BARTON HAS NO BODY

I’m not entirely sure I understand the fascination with O.C. star Mischa Barton. Sure, she’s reasonably pretty. Not Jennie Garth pretty or even Kathleen Robertson pretty, but nowhere near Gabrielle Carteris ugly. Somewhere in between 90210 Season One Tori Spelling and Season Ten Tori Spelling. Maybe Season Seven Tori Spelling. There are really two things standing in Barton’s way of becoming a real hotty.

1) She has no body. Whatsoever. None. Real women have curves. Fat women have lots of curves, but real women have curves. You don’t need big breasts, though Jebus knows that helps. Barton is rail thin and, whether she’s rocking Hollywood’s latest eating disorder trend or not, girls who are as skinny as DJ Qualls just aren’t hot. SEE: Lindsay Lohan or Nicole Richie circa two months ago.

2) The girl simply can not dress herself. SEE: the pictures below. She’s all dolled up for some opening of something or other and she shows up wearing the latest Vera Wang burlap sack. Not hot.

November 7th, 2005 TG