EVA LONGORIA LIKES IT SMOOTH

Because Eva Longoria just wasn’t hot enough as-is, Page Six reports that she likes to have her grundle waxed.

Eva Longoria talks in Cosmopolitan magazine about sex and extols the virtues of Brazilian bikini wax. “It makes sex better,” she told Cosmo. And it’s worth the pain? “Believe me, the first time I did it, the technician did half, and I was like ‘Stop!’ She said, ‘Sit down, I have to finish.’ But then it gets easier. The more you do it, the less hair grows back. But yeah, I love it. I swear by it. Every woman should try a Brazilian wax once. And then the sex they have afterward will make them keep coming back.”

I could probably masturbate just reading her talk about getting a Brazilian wax. Still not sure what it is? Here’s a better explanation.

The Brazilian bikini wax (also called the thong wax or Playbox wax) is a must-get-done for women who can endure excruciating fashion pain. Gwyneth’s done it, so has Naomi. It is now so popular that BW salons have sprouted right around the world.

The Brazilian involves the spreading of hot wax on to the buttocks. A cloth is patted over the wax, then rrrrip. That’s nothing compared to the next bit. Wax is smeared onto the mons, the cloth is pressed into place…then they turn the music up loud…rrripppp. It’s quite normal for the waxer to throw your legs over their shoulder, or ask you to moon them so they can get the strays. The waxer then goes over your red bits with a pair of tweezers to pluck out recalcitrant strands.

Only a small exclamation mark of hair is left to curtain-off the labia.

That makes my taint clench just thinking about it.

November 7th, 2005 TG

EVA LONGORIA HATES HOLLYWOOD

Eva Longoria doesn’t seem to get it. She thinks that even though she’s on a top-5 television show, is sexy as hell, and wears outfits like the one pictured at the end of this post, that she should be immune from the inexorable paparazzi crush. You see, she’s a good old-fashioned Texas girl and all of this attention is just too much for her to handle.

“I’m just a Texan through and through. I want to move back to Texas as soon as I’m done with
the show, whenever that is. You know, I’m never followed by paparazzi in San Antonio. I’m never bothered with people in the trees trying to get a picture of me in my kitchen in San Antonio”, Longoria said.

“I go to the supermarket and I go shopping with my mom. I go to Wal-mart”, the actress added.

What she doesn’t seem to realize is that if she were still back in Texas she would just be one of a thousand beautiful girls herding cattle and living a regular life with a regular income, regular clothes (i.e. cattle pants) and a regular boyfriend. So pack up your shit, honey, because as soon as you leave there will be a dozen girls ready to take your place, just begging to be trampled by photogs while walking their pugs or on the way to the gym. Smell you later.

October 27th, 2005 TG