ANGELINA JOLIE WANTS THE WHOLE SET

Fresh off of her recent adoption trial victory, Angelina Jolie has a message for the orphaned children of the world: you’re on notice. If you live in an impoverished country, Jolie will come for you, she will adopt you, and she will give you a mohawk and carve homemade tattoos into your arm.

“There’s something about making a choice, waking up and travelling somewhere and finding your family.”

“Most of the night I just thought about how quickly I want to adopt again,” she said.

“There are so many wonderful places. There are many parts of Asia, Africa, South America, so sooner or later I’ll end up everywhere, I’m sure.”

“I know some of the kids that were next to my daughter (at the orphanage); two of them passed away, with symptoms very similar to hers,” she told People. “I really do believe that if I didn’t get her out at that time, that she wouldn’t be here. She was days away.”

If Angelina Jolie wants to save the children of the world, that’s fine by me. If she wants to adopt them all so she can boil them down and render them into soap, I’m cool with that too. Considering the inevitable overpopulation problem that today’s baby-crazy society is inexorably heading for, it is actually very noble, selfless, and sensible for Jolie to embrace less fortunate children and make them her own. That, and she also has a great rack. To wit:

October 27th, 2005 TG